Six More Christmas Haiku

1.

No more coal: I’ll fill
stockings with used CDs of
R.E.M.’s “Monster”

2.

You’d binge on cookies
too if your wife stopped sucking
on your candy cane.

3.

Right now my beard looks
like a peppermint because
it’s Miss Claus’s ”time”.

4.

What’s the one thing I
like eating more than cookies?
Ask your mom. She’d know.

5.

I use reindeer to
travel cause you can’t eat a
plane when you’re stranded.

6.

Hey girl, why don’t you
sit on my lap and tell me
what you really want.

Superstitious Pickup Lines Haikus

#1.

Girl, you look like spilled
salt cause I wanna throw you
over my shoulder.

#2.

Girl, you won’t think it’s
bad luck after I give you
thirteen in one night.

#3.

Girl, I want your
Evil Eye up on me… so long
as it’s vertical.

#4.

What’s the difference
between ladders and your legs? I’ll
go underneath yours.

#5.

Your black “cat” can cross
my “path” anytime… and by
path, I mean my dick.