Six More Christmas Haiku


No more coal: I’ll fill
stockings with used CDs of
R.E.M.’s “Monster”


You’d binge on cookies
too if your wife stopped sucking
on your candy cane.


Right now my beard looks
like a peppermint because
it’s Miss Claus’s ”time”.


What’s the one thing I
like eating more than cookies?
Ask your mom. She’d know.


I use reindeer to
travel cause you can’t eat a
plane when you’re stranded.


Hey girl, why don’t you
sit on my lap and tell me
what you really want.


Just cause Halloween has come and gone doesn’t mean you still can’t get your ghoul on: The fine folks at FreezeRay Poetry recently released “Horror-Ku”, a collection of horror themed haiku, perfect for chilling bones and curdling blood on a cool November night. Among the published authors is “Jason Vorhees” (aka yours truly).

Check out the Horror-Ku eBook here.

Superstitious Pickup Lines Haikus


Girl, you look like spilled
salt cause I wanna throw you
over my shoulder.


Girl, you won’t think it’s
bad luck after I give you
thirteen in one night.


Girl, I want your
Evil Eye up on me… so long
as it’s vertical.


What’s the difference
between ladders and your legs? I’ll
go underneath yours.


Your black “cat” can cross
my “path” anytime… and by
path, I mean my dick.