It was so hot today that Satan banned all of his demons from working in Phoenix, citing “unsafe and inhumane working conditions”.
It was so hot today that Slip N Slides turned into Scald N Screams.
It was so hot today that Buddhist monks started making mandalas out of ice cream to better convey the suffering and pointlessness of human existence.
It was so hot today that Jesus refused to take the wheel: He wasn’t about to pile third degree burns on top of his stigmata!
It was so hot today that volcano cultists sacrificed virgins by pushing them into Phoenician hot tubs.