Phalluses of Dune

Last month I performed as part of the Alwun House’s annual Erotic Poetry & Music Festivus. This was the fourth time I’ve done the fest, and for this show I wanted to do a bit that I’ve been meaning to try for years. I used to work over at Zia Records on Thunderbird, and one of the items we got in regularly were “Penis Pokey” books. These were mock-kid board books with holes cut in the middle for  you to play “pokey” with .

I had the idea of making one for Frank Herbert’s “Dune” and turn that wonderful, lengthy, complex piece of world-building into one long dick joke. And so this year I did it: I drew 7 panel “pages” for the pokey book, got onstage, and for seven minutes told the story of “Dune” using these panels and strategically inserting a dildo into the cut-out holes whenever a sandworm or weapon appeared.

When I first conceived of this idea, I had thought about going all the way with the idea and actually use my penis for the pokey, but decided against it on the grounds of:

  1. Full frontal nudity onstage is extremely distracting. It’s hard to be funny, hold an audience’s attention AND go The Full  Monty at the same time.
  2. I didn’t particularly feel like copping an indecent exposure charge and have to spend the next few months going door to door telling my neighbors I do sex offensive performance art.
  3. Being humble here: The sandworms need to look huge for the joke to really work. I have an average-sized, modest “sandworm”. It would not look impressive on a stage. Even if it was festooned with blinking lights or wore a little crown.

Behold: Frank Herbert’s “Dune”!

PAGE 1: “The Masters Of The Universe”


PAGE 2: “The Rest Of The Cast That I Felt Like Drawing”


PAGE 3: “Fremen Beach Party”


PAGE 4: “Death, More Death, And Fleeing Into The Desert”

image1 (1)

PAGE 5: “How To Walk And Not Get Sandwormed To Death”

image3 (1)

PAGE 6: “Ride That Worm, Muad’Dib! Ride It Hard!”

image2 (1)

PAGE 7: “The King of Pain”



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