It’s that blessed time of the year: Halloween is a week and some change away, so it’s time for Last Minute Costume Brainstorming! I’ve rocked a few winning costumes in year’s past, including: going as porn star Ron Jeremy (complete with voluminous chest hair); a “Yeezus Monk”; and Oliver Hardy (I didn’t have the foresight to recruit someone to be Stan Laurel, so everybody thought my costume was Fat Chaplin). Whatever shall I be this year? Here are some ideas, in no particular order:
PROS: Major geek points; plus I’m pretty sure I could use some foam board and wire to construct a floating “Hero Of The Beach” halo around me.
CONS: I do NOT currently have the body to pull this off. So maybe next year, if my current exercise regime works out?
PROS: More geek points, since it’s another Doom Patrol-related costume (and Grant Morrison’s Doom Patrol is THE GREATEST COMIC OF ALL TIME); relatively easy to whip together.
CONS: Drinking and dancing while covered in bandages sounds like a capital B-Bitch.
PROS: Super easy costume- it’s just Donald Trump with a goatee, walking around and saying culturally sensitive and informed things.
CONS: Topical political costumes are kind of lame; may have to spend a lot of time explaining what I’m going for.
PROS: Super super super easy costume, since Vinny G is basically my doppleganger.
CONS: Odds of anybody I know knowing who Vince Gill is is slim; plus I’d probably have to listen to a bunch of his music to get into character, and I really can’t make that kind of commitment. Country music? I can’t go for that, no can do, like my boy Daryl Hall.
PROS: I’ve actually wanted to go as Dr. G for YEARS but can’t find the right clothes/never have enough cash to whip something together; I would look like a massive freak; major geek points; get to dust off my extremely rusty cross-dressing skills.
CONS: Like Flex Mentallo, don’t really have the body to pull this off.
PROS: Easy to put together; Alfred Hitchcock is a world class pimp; iconic and pretty recognizable.
CONS: Still haven’t figured out a way to rig a silhouette that precedes me whenever I move around; plus, playing the theme song to “Alfred Hitchcock Presents” on a loop all night sounds way better in theory than it probably would in practice.